Happiness Can't be Bought

Hi everyone! I apologize for my absence. Suffice it to say, I had an eye opening weekend, but now I'm back!

I was going to write about something else, but I feel I need to write about this. My not shopping for the last six weeks has really opened my eyes up to something. Happiness. I have discovered through this challenge that I am truly not happy. I have known it before, but I think I realized what my shopping was all about. I was trying to fill myself with love. I have read about this before, but like an addict, when you're still using, you can't see the forest for the trees.

See, when I went shopping, or my husband bought me things, it filled my love tank. Sadly, I only just realized this. Lately, my love tank has been sucked dry. I have nothing left to give. I can not put on the happy face I always put on. I do not have the energy nor the desire. I. Am. Done.

So this puts my marriage on the forefront. I have chosen to do what makes me happy. And that is not putting on the happy face. I am chosing to be the "me" that has been buried under the "us". Life is too short. Things don't matter.

No wonder my soul has been screaming to me so loud to "Stop it"! "Get off the rollercoaster"! Stuff does not mean anything to me anymore. I don't desire the crap anymore. I don't desire the "new outfit" to make me feel good or the shirt that is just so darn cute it'll make me loveable. My husband offered to buy me a new car! I don't want a new car. That will not fill my love tank!! It has in the past, but I was stuck in this warped thinking. It's like the drug addict getting the next fix because they want that "high" again, although you never can get that first "high" back. Ever!!!! I know because I was that addict. I was warned through treatment that you cross addict. And that is what I've been doing.

So I say to you my friends (even though my friends don't have this problem!), things don't make it better. They mean nothing. Being loved, and cherished and having a partner by your side through everything means more. This is what I want. Not the stuff! And this is what I have not gotten for seventeen years.

And by the way.....I hate lip gloss!!
Victoria